Not so bad....right?

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Originally uploaded by contrivant

So, I've been on a yarn diet since my last post, and I did pretty good...for a while. I haven't completely obliterated the wagon at this point. :) I decided to pull out my entire yarn stash yesterday (minus peaches n' cream...it doesn't count) and take a look at how much I have. Granted, I feel like I have a lot of yarn, what you see on the left in the pink is for a sweater, upper right hand corner is another sweater, and the 4 skeins of Wollmeise in Fuchsia are for a sweater....oh yeah, and the three skeins of Wollmeise in Neptun are for a sweater also :) So all things considered...I have a lot of yarn, but not a lot of projects, right?! Actually it's like 50 pairs of socks there, but it doesn't look so bad from way up here :) I think the far more troubling thing is that 1/3 of my stash is Wollmeise. I really need to get a life :D (Not even considering that I got some Sabrina in last night's update...I am so naughty! I have finished a lot of projects lately though, so I felt like I deserved a little treat...something like 5 projects in the past month. It's been nice to relax a little and enjoy knitting again. The downside to this is that my wrists are killing me. I don't know if it's from knitting or being online so much, but they've been really throbbing, and I'm wearing two wrist braces right now it's hurting so bad. Pray for me that it's not carpal tunnel or arthritis, okay?

In other news, I'm trying to talk Steve into us getting a pool. We really have too many trees to get one, but I want one really bad! I love swimming! I don't want to rejoin the gym until I quit smoking, and I don't want to quit smoking until I lose 10 lbs. Swimming would be great cardio for me in the meantime. It's probably a no-go, but I'm going to keep pestering him and hope for the best.

Knitting away

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Originally uploaded by contrivant

So, I have actually been knitting a lot, despite my lack of blogging. These are my last FO. It's from Knitting Socks with Handpainted Yarn and the pattern is called Spot Check. They're knit in Wollmeise 100%, in Admiral and Am Kalten Polar, and I love the way they turned out. They're just beautiful :) I love that I taught myself to hold two strands in either hand with this project, I always try to learn something new every time I do a new project.

My newest WIP is Cookie A's Monkeys in Yarn Pirate's Loopy Blues. It's a boring pattern to me now since I've knit it before, but since YP yarn tends to pool, I'm hoping the pattern will break it up a bit, we'll see.

So, why am I posting at 3 AM instead of sleeping? I have insomnia. Have had it for a while now, but I'll eventually get some sleep. The problem is, I've been having nightmares...lots lately. Mostly about teaching, which I gave up several months ago.

Here's the thing. I loved and hated that job at the same time. It was fun sometimes, but I never really felt like they were learning anything. I was doing everything wrong! I know this is common for first year teachers, but I'm used to being great at stuff. Can I ever go back? No. Not because I can't, but I just won't. I won't go back to something that has affected me this much, it wasn't meant to be. I swear, I feel like a soldier who came back from war, I wonder if I have PTSD. I know it's not really a comparison to going to war and I mean no disrespect to our troops, but it kind of is because it was like emotional warfare.

The fact is this. I know my subject, I'm a genius at it. It's English, I understand it, I'm comforted by it. I was good at the knowledge part. The problem was this. I'm a friendly person, I'm artistic, and sort of a free spirit, as much as a responsible person can be. I like to make people laugh, and it wasn't conducive to learning. I couldn't control them, they thought everything I said was a joke because I set that standard. That was my mistake. I learned that I'd have to give up too much of who I was inherently to be a teacher, and that's not for me. I don't mind being professional, but I also don't want to have a sour look on my face all day...it just wasn't for me. I know that's okay to fail, but I still have a hard time coping with that. I'm used to success. The hardest thing for me is to actually say that aloud. It makes me feel so ashamed that I failed.

While I failed, the system failed too. I felt like I was getting no support from the administrators, and was only being called into the office to have *my* hand slapped. I'm a grown woman, you don't tell the kids I'm wrong, I'm not wrong! Unless I am being abusive, I am never wrong in my room. As long as it's within school guidelines, if I say they're wrong, they are! I rarely sent someone to the office, but when I did...they sent them right back to my class without so much as a day of detention. What does that teach the kids? No wonder I couldn't keep them under control.

So I am having nightmares. Never about the kids, only about the administration. I honestly do miss the kids sometimes, even though they tortured me to death :) The administrators, I don't miss AT ALL. I don't think they're bad people, I know they care about the kids, but I didn't feel supported. That's all I'm saying, I don't want to make any libelous statements. I'm just sick of these dreams! I've been gone almost 2 months now, and they still happen. It's making me and Steve quite miserable, to be honest. Not sleeping correctly makes me irritable. Who'd have thought being a school teacher could have such a negative impact? The saddest thing for me, is that when I left, part of that childish hope I had...the hope that I would make a difference in the world...died. I hate them for making me lose that. It was probably the only bit of innocence I had left.

Yarn stalking: an epiphany

s,It should be quite obvious, that I have insomnia tonight. I'm having an epiphany as I speak. So, I just went through Ravelry, and deleted myself from a huge majority of my groups including: both Wollmeise groups, JulieSpins, Loopy Groopies, Sundara Yarn Love, Lime and Violet, and Yarnthropology. That's a big step for me! I just realized that I don't need any new yarn! And I definitely don't need any new drama. Everything turns into a drama fest in some of those groups, and I decided to wash my hands of the whole thing. The others either enable, or just discuss the drama, and I'm tired of that too...though I love me some L&V (enablers!), but I've got to say goodbye for a while, ladies. I have plenty of yarn. I have plenty (i.e., too much) of Wollmeise, plenty of Sundara, and plenty of JulieSpins. I had been contemplating joining the Bugga Lottery tomorrow but I just decided against that too. This is how I came to the conclusion:

I'm not very happy with myself right now, I can't get back into the swing of my healthy eating because I've been screwing up for too long. I'm dying of ennui sitting at home, and that's not helping. I have a tendency to "overshop" or "overeat" when I'm bored. This has to stop! I'm a grown woman, and I haven't reached all my goals, but I don't want to go back to being a fat slob who hated herself every time she looks in the mirror. Shoot, I can't look at myself in the mirror now!

The yarn thing has gotten out of control, I'm all for stash love, and I do love my stash, but I really want to stop wanting so much! I literally have enough Wollmeise to last the next 4 years. I have like 20 skeins of it. I'm more than okay, I don't knit that fast, plus I have a gazillion other yarns I want to try, but I'm depriving myself because of the hard to get stuff. It's ending today. I realized in tonight's update, I've gotten way out of hand. I wasn't crying or anything, but I was definitely frustrated, and I did not take up knitting to be frustrated!

It's a control issue. If I can get the hard to get yarn, I've reached a goal. It seems like the only thing I have control over lately. But you know what? I have self-control, I lost 100 lbs once, and I can lose the 10 stupid pounds I gained back! I can stop buying the "fairy fart" yarn, and be happy with what I have, and buy some other stuff I've been wanting (like Handmaiden Sea Silk, yum!), but not right away because it's time to take some self-control.

Now, I know I've said it a gazillion times, but this time I mean it. I'm changing my life again, I'm getting my eating habits back on track, and I'm going on a yarn diet, dangit! I'm going to use all the time I've been wasting to stalk yarn, and I'm going to use it to actually knit! It's so over.

And I'm going to blog more because I always feel better when I do...but it's like excercise, it's just getting myself to do it that's the problem (we'll worry about the excercise later).

Not another Christmas of knitting!

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Originally uploaded by contrivant

I swear to all that is holy in this world, that I'm knitting NOTHING for anyone next Christmas!! I know I said last year, I was going to start on gifts early, yada, yada, yada, but that didn't happen and now I'm slightly pressed for time. I have a pair of "Birthday socks" for my BFF I'm working on (her B-day was in October, btw...she ended up getting a CHI because I felt so guilty) and some dishcloths for my grandmother.

This picture is the scarf I made for my mentor at school because really, she doesn't get paid enough for all the crap she has to put up with from me :) She's such a sweetheart, and any time I need to vent, she listens, it makes me feel so much better

I really just want to get back to work on my Maralinda socks that I'm working on because they're so gorgeous and I have the prettiest yarn I'm working with, but of course, gift knitting comes first.

I am a selfish knitter, there, I said it.

Meet Aurora!

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Originally uploaded by contrivant

Yep, I took the plunge, I'm officially a spinner. I love my new baby! If you don't know, it's a Schacht Ladybug. I tried learning on a drop spindle, but I absolutely HATED it. This is frustrating, but I love it. I see hings happening and I see it fast! Yes, her name is Aurora, yes, it's from Sleeping Beauty, yes, I enjoy being a walking cliche.

Look at my little ladybug hidden behind the wheel. It's adorable. I got it in and of course tried to get started right away...yeah...not so much. It was a blast to try though. At first I was getting really frustrated because I couldn't figure out how to get it to go clockwise, or I'd get it going for a second then it would spin counterclockwise! Grrr! Then when I was learning to ply, I couldn't get it to spin counterclockwise, it just wanted to go clockwise, GRRR!

Anyways, here's my first handspun. It's some llama that Steve had bought a while back at an SCA event. It's very soft, but let's face it...it's only practice. It was neat to start learning and exciting. I definitely have to set aside some time to work on it some more as I'd like to be able to spin a consistent worsted and sock weight. Wonder if I'll ever get there?


Right now I have some Lorna's Laces Superwash that I got from the Loopy Ewe. I swear, one day when I have a million dollars, I'm going to pay Sheri to let me just roll around in the yarn (possibly the roving too?) I also bought some Creatively Dyed roving from her which is TO DIE FOR! It's this one in case you can't resist :)

We just got back from Arkansas, we were visiting Steve's parents for Thanksgiving. Of course, I had to go on a small yarn crawl. In Little Rock we went to The Yarn Mart and Handwork's Gallery. They both had a decent selection, but nothing I'm looking for (you know me, all about the sock yarn). But I have to say this, the lady who runs Handwork's Gallery was AWESOME! She may be the coolest knitter I've ever met (even though I love all my knitting friends down here), she was like my long lost twin. I was up front and I heard her say to Steve, "It's not like 15 year old's think about f***ing any less than 16 year olds." which made me laugh my butt off. She was definitely a free spirit, and I also get described that way a lot (to say the least). I didn't get any yarn from there, but I got some buttons for my Mary Jane slippers I finished and the Knitting Vintage Socks book. We went through Memphis on the way home and stopped at Yarns to Go and Yarniverse. I got some Koigu sock yarn, good old Koigu, always there for me when I need a fix :) Listen up LYS, I want sock yarn!! That's basically all I ever buy!! You need Indie sock yarn! Dream in Color is also nice.

Speaking of DIC, I'm in love (hehe, I'm in love with DIC, say it out loud, you know you want to). I got the new Starry (again from The Loopy Ewe, my wallet hates you, Sheri) and I L-O-V-E it! I'm officially a convert (much like Creatively Dyed, but that's a whole other blog post *swoon*) I love it so much I cast on Cookie A.'s Marilinda pattern. OMGWTFBBQ?! This is the hardest thing, by far, I've ever tried to knit. I haven't messed up yet, but, my damn, it's a toughie. It's coming along beatifully though.

That's all for now, folks. I haven't written this much since college, I swear.

My finished sweater!

My finished sweater!
Originally uploaded by contrivant

I'm done! I can't believe I finished it.

I love the feeling of accomplishment that comes with a finished project. This sweater gave me more problems, but in the end it turned out absolutely gorgeous.

First, the back got felted...I could have quit right then, I swear, but I just couldn't give up. Then I lost almost a full ball of yarn when I accidentally left half of it hanging out of my car.

In the end, I won! And I have my first finished sweater. I can't believe how much I've accomplished in just a year of knitting. I may make mistakes, and not be the best or most talented knitter, but goodness knows I follow through with what I start.

It's interesting how much knitting has taught me about myself. Especially during the construction of my baby.

For one, I am not a person who is perfect. I'm far from it. But when I create, I won't settle for less that perfect. It sounds a little wacko, but if I mess up a page in a journal, I won't write in it anymore, don't ask me why, but I just won't; however, if you were to come to my home (right now especially...compulsive knitting = junky house), you'd see someone you'd probably deem a "slob"

I also realized I love a sense of accomplishment. I love to complete things, and I love to hear the words, "OMG you made that?!"

Have I really been gone almost 3 months? Wow! It's not that I've not been crafting, because I have...I've just been exhausted from my new job! That's right. I'm officially a grown up now. I'm teaching your children. It's the weirdest thing in the world. It's definitely a tough job, but it's more rewarding than you could imagine. I understand now why so many people get upset about teacher pay. I can think of very few days that I haven't stayed until at least 5. I'm usually there at 6AM, so yeah it's a seriously long day.

For crafting, I've mostly been doing a lot of knitting. I did sew a felted bag today which was fun, but mostly it's been knitting. This bag was kind of a mistake. I accidentally felted something I was making, so it got converted to a bag for a swap I'm in. I've been doing a lot of knitting for others lately. I made a scarf for a teacher that helps in my inclusion class. I absolutely adore her, and if it wasn't for her help, I'd have probably quit already. These kids are really tough. She keeps asking for knitting lessons, so I assumed she'd be a good candidate for a hand knit gift.


I also made my swap partner a lovely pair of earrings. Pretty, huh?

I'll update again later, I promise it won't be December before you hear from me again :) I missed blogging